yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
