I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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