I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
