You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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