I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
