Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
