Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
