So drunk its hurt
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
