She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
