Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
