Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She's better-looking with the mask on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
