we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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