how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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