you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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