I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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