just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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