i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
