I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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