I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
