Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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