we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize