Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
