I got chris browned last night
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize