Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
