DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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