I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
