I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
