i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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