He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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