You surviving the open bar?
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
