hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
