Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
