I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
