so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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