I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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