I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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