hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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