I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
