I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
