I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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