I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
