dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
