Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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