i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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