Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
