Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
