i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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