i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
