So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
