they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize