I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
