he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
