Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
