You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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