Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
