PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
