I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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