I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
