Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
