my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
