there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just cut my nipple shaving
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
