420 ftw
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
