I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize