Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
