she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
