I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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