dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
