at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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